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Tucker Carlson Glass Jaw

Tucker Carlson, Glass Jaw

Schadenfreude!

2011-09-18

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Filed Under: Politics Humor

Tucker Carlson

Holy crap! X-Rays reveal Tucker Carlson has a glass jaw. The bowtie should have been the clue.

There's a guy named Matt Lewis. He's a writer of books no one reads, and an occasional guest on a cable channel no one watches called MSNBC.

A couple of months ago, he pushed out a hit piece on me out of the blue on the Daily Caller.

The Daily Caller, as you may know, is a website in desperate need of new investors. It's run by Tucker Carlson. It apparently wants to appeal to Meghan McCain conservatives, which means it's really all about screwing over non-establishment Republicans. You know, the same audience MSNBC and CNN loves. CNN is the channel Tucker Carlson used to work for when he wore that spinning bowtie and matching beanie hat. He was the second-string token conservative on a television show called Crossfire, which was born from the ashes of Ted Turner's facial hair.

Crossfire was cancelled when Jon Stewart declared it unwatchable one day. Which shows you the power of CNN.

Act now, don't delay, invest those Eurodollars quick into The Daily Caller so Tucker Carlson can go to fancy restaurants in D.C. and maintain his lavish lifestyle for a few more crucial months!

But I digress.

Matt Lewis didn't call me for my reaction in this hitpiece that he wrote. He just wanted to breathlessly spread the good news that the Concerned Blue Hairs of America, whom no one had ever heard of, (but who were $250,000 in debt - it's tough for non-profits these days in D.C., dontchyaknow) were calling for me to be blackballed from ever working again. Why? Because they didn't like an ad that I made.

Matt Lewis didn't seem to give a damn about reporting on the story, which would have involved contacting me before acting as a stenographer for the CBHOAs (pronounced "CBHOAs"). I guess he just wanted to suck up to some political consultants who worked for CBHOA. Consultants who had a lot to gain by bumping me out of the picture because my ads revealed their incompetence. Their ads sucked.

So anyway, as I said, Matt Lewis pumped out a brainless hit piece on me via the Daily Caller. Since I happened to have Tucker Carlson's phone number, I called him for some sort of redress. Would Tucker Carlson's bowtie give me the opportunity to rebut Matt Lewis on The Daily Caller? The DC's website space is basically free, why not give a page to write something up?

Tucker told me to shove off. His response was, hey, Ladd, if you're going to be in the public eye, then you'd better get used to some people not liking you. Even being unfair and mean to you. Then he informed me that he was too busy to deal with it, since he was trying to con more suckers into investing in his money-pit of a website (my wording, not his, obviously).

So it was with great pleasure that I read yesterday this bit from the Riehlworld View. It seems that Dan Riehl had posted on his site a bit of information about the Daily Caller and its so-called "journalists" which made Tucker Carlson upset.

Why, Tucker was just so upset that he and his bowtie got straight on the phone! And called Dan Riehl! Demanding a retraction!

Uhm. Tucker? Do you have a glass jaw? What's the problem? You expect other people to take hit pieces from your in-the-red Internetz extravaganza black hole of money, but you can't take a light punch from Dan Riehl?

Here. Let me introduce you to Peter Griffin.

Update 1: Since Tucker seems to be having money problems and is trying to find some more suckers - er, investors - in order to pay Matt Lewis (why anyone would want to actually pay him is beyond me, but then again, I'm not a webmogul like Carlson), might I suggest that he approach Jane Harman? She's recently purchased the Daily Beast, which is Meghan McCain's hideout (when she's not saving the world from homophobes). Plus, Jane Harman and Bob Livingston are buddies, so Tucker and crew will feel perfectly at home with the faux conservative thang. If you want to get in touch with her, Tucker, I suggest hanging out at the Shakespeare Dinner Theater in Washington D.C.

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