Wanted: writers for the super-duper Federalist website Trenches.
The gloriously acclaimed webzine The Trenches, which has been responsible for not only the Tea Party but the founding of democracy centuries ago, calls all true conservative Federalist people types to their Gas-den flag (sp?).
Have you ever wanted to be a sidekick to conservative federalizt hero Brooks Bayne, who single-handedly started the Tea Party in Los Angeles over 15 years ago, and single-handedly saved California from the scourges of liberalism? Do you want to help hunt down and destroy fake conservatives as judge, jury, and executioner? Do YOU want to help expose the Holocaust as a fake Zionist conspiracy?
Then you've come to the right place!
Must be willing to investigate people and their families and anyone associated with scumbags who make fun of Brooks Bayne on teh Twittah. Because that's slinging shit, and we can't have that!
Must be able to work long hours tweeting about putting balls on people's chins. Because as we all know, that's how REAL journalism works!
Must be willing to accuse people of corruption and evildoing based on faulty information, especially if that information comes from liberals and anonymous accounts from teh Internetz.
Must be willing to accuse people who associate with "evildoers" (as defined by Brooks Bayne) with "asshattery" based on faulty information, too. Because that's how we roll, with our balls on our chins!
Must be willing to agree with, and snicker along with, this tweet:
...and snigger along with this one...
...and generally be pleased with "facts" that minimize all those people who died at Auschwitz. Because everyone at the Trenches knows, they're all just whiners!
We offer excellent benefits, including no pay, long hours, enforced sycophancy, and countless enrapturing hours listening to Brooks Bayne talk about his three houses complete with three basements. If you're a woman, you'll also enjoy having to call our Dear Leader the Patriarch! Also, did we mention balls on chin? He likes that.
The Trenches is an Equal Opportunity Employer, even to Zionists, Allah curse their namez! And if you have a mental disorder of some sort that compels you to sit on Teh Twitterz all day long and accuse people of evildoing - you'll be right at home! Do you take medication daily for your illness? Step to the front of the line!
Caveat: no sense of humor or any self-awareness, please.
Surgeon general's warning: If you quit or are fired from the Trenches, Brooks BallsOnChin Bayne may attack you mercilessly on teh Twitterz, mostly by threatening to put his balls on your chin.
Worker's Compensation Notice: We do not allow claims based on carpal tunnel. We won't be able to determine if such an injury was received from too much typing on teh Twittaz, or via that up and down motion you'll be making with your fist in your lap all day.
How to Apply: Don't worry, based on our extensive research that we conduct minute by minute on tehr Twittahz, we'll find you.
Aw gee whiz fellahs, why won't anyone work with me?
contact ladd @ filmladd dot com